Past/Future

The past can sometimes be over powering, we can learn so much from it and yet, in otherways it will always hold us back. Like a safety net trying to protect us from those few select memories.

People seem to be obsessed with the past, I remember not wanting to learn about History at school because I could not see why anyone could be interested in things that had already happened. Why not look forward and live for the future, but in time you learn that you cannot have one without the other. We can not progress in a positive way without learning from our mistakes of the past.

I've tried to keep a diary many times, imagining how interesting it would be to look back at my life in "the future" and re-live those past feelings, making you laugh and cry. Yet I can never manage to stick to it, maybe because I can be extremely lazy, or perhaps it is because sometimes I am living life right now. It can hurt to bring up the past, maybe it would be nice to leave certain chapters out.

I know that past experiences have made me a better person, but when do those memories leave us. When can we truly let go of it all and live in the moment. How can we move forward, if we are always looking back?

Reinvention

Last night I went to see the new Social networking film. I won't go into details about the film itself apart from saying that it is worth watching, but it did make me think about the massive impact that the interent has had on aspects of our life.

Just one example that I began to think about, was the effect that it has on those starting university; Leaving the place where you have grown up and built a life for yourself, a group of friends and a place that you feel comfortable in. Yet there are those (few) who perhaps cannot wait to go. University could be their chance to reinvent themselves, for whatever reason.

However, I don't know if this is possible anymore. People can no longer erase who they used to be entirely. The internet and especially sites such as facebook hold so much information about us which we forget, some good, some bad, but either way it is there to stay and we need to remember that.

Personally I think that when I leave this small town I wont want to change who I am too much. This is probably true for most people, but for the few that do want/need to make that change, I hope that they are able to.

Sleep

Sleep is an odd concept, when you're young sleep seems like a punishment. You feel as if you're missing out on the most exciting and unmissable events, being forced to go to bed when you never felt tired. I used to try all sorts of tricks to stay up later, just to feel more grown up. And yet I could still wake up at a ridiculous hour to watch the latest Transformers or Pokemon (this may just be me).

I remember not understanding how my friends older siblings could sleep until past 9.00! Being odly jealous, until one day it happened! It was a proud moment, as if I had succeeded in the path to adolescence. 

Now sleep is one of my faveorite time passers, something I just can''t get enough of. It's addictive, once you get into bed, there is no leaving it. Waking up by an alarm is an extremely painfull experience. Even when you know you have all sorts of plans for the day.

I am beginning to feel envious of my previously sleep hating self. How much more could we all get done if we didn't feel constantly tired!

Swan

Last night my friend hurt a swan, I don't know why it bothered me so much, but it made me feel truely upset. He threw something hard and plastic at one when he was drunk and said he did it because when he was younger, a Swan pecked him. I've heard that Swans mate for life and this one had a partner and 3 signets. I think it was fine but it made me angry at humans, we have a choice about the actions that we make, that is what is supposed to seperate us from other animals. It's just sad when you see people make the wrong ones.

Blankness

Blankness, once more in my life I feel that there is a sudden emptiness. It can be filled with superficial things that pass my time; working, going out, mindlessly searching for things that amuse me, listening to music which only mirrors this sensation. For once I feel that I have nothing that I am working towards; nothing that I desire is in reach.

I hope to travel and re-awake a passion inside of me, see the real world that we are not shown in this sheltered land. Perhaps this is something to set my mind on. Live life as it was meant to be, I want my body to ache with want for another, and for once that feeling to be returned. I want to see what is out there, stand under the stars in a distant place and feel one with everything.

Right now it feels like I'm in limbo, waiting for something new and fresh. 

I want something to fight for again...

Begin.

Where to start, well the name of this blog comes from a film called Blow, which if you haven't watched, you should:

"Life passes most people by while they're making grand plans for it. Throughout my lifetime, I've left pieces of my heart here and there. And now, there's almost not enough to stay alive. But I force a smile, knowing that my ambition far exceeded my talent. There are no more white horses or pretty ladies at my door."